Episode 14: It’s Peanut Butter Jelly Time

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1. Dumb Starbucks is no longer a thing. Not due to trademark infringement like we talked about yesterday, but due to the fact that they were operating without a permit. It was also revealed in a press event that Nathan Fielder, host of Comedy Central’s Nathan For You, was behind the “joke.” Dumb, Dumb Starbucks.

2. It’s peanut butter jelly time! An 18-year-old Texas man advertised for a store on Saturday by hanging out on a street corner with an AK-47 slung over his shoulder and a sign pointing to a new store location. He was originally only charged with violating a city ordinance, because Texas, but he was later also charged with disorderly conduct, because, AK-47. True story — when I first wrote this squib, I forgot to mention he was wearing a banana suit. That seems somehow relevant.

3. Legislation introduced by Rep. Blake Farenthold (R-TX) would exempt Olympic medal winners from having to hand over taxes for the $25,000 American winners get for a gold, the $15,000 they get for silver, or the $10,000 they get for bronze. My learned advice? Go for the gold.

4. An article at the Volokh Conspiracy examines the recent codification of the longstanding practice of the Supreme Court precluding unbarred pro se defendants from arguing their own cases before the Court. The rule, Professor Baude suggests, may be unconstitutional due to 28 U.S.C. 1654, which says:

In all courts of the United States the parties may plead and conduct their own cases personally or by counsel as, by the rules of such courts, respectively, are permitted to manage and conduct causes therein.

As Professor Baude points out, the critical question would likely be whether the right to “plead and conduct” one’s case necessarily requires oral argument.

5. In 2013, about 11 jerks per day shined a laser pointer at an airplane pilot according to the FBI. It’s apparently gotten so bad that they’ve begun offering $10,000 that leads to the arrest of anyone breaking this law. I mean $5000, but you have to tell me first and not them.

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